Sorry to tell you all this; it's been another awful day.
Today has been one of those days where the weather is PERFECT. It's 29 degrees, the sun is shining, and although there's school a lot of teachers decide to spend lessons outside. For me, this has a bite... it's the kind of day when all the girls wear skirts.
Let me make it clear I have no problem whatsoever with them doing it; they're cooler (both in temperature and in general), they look pretty and it's a nice way of expressing a girl's feminine side; the thing (or should I say person?) I have a problem with is myself. I'm not out as transgender in real life. There's one girl that knows and she's helped me an awful lot, but because I'm not out I have no way of being able to wear a skirt to school.
This leaves me roasting in a pair of trousers which I've made slightly skinnier in an attempt to make them more girly, and longing to be wearing a skirt. Deep down, I'm a girl - and I want to express it; it's just sad when there's no way to do it.
I'm debating whether to take a pair of the shorts I own which are in all but length quite feminine and roll/sew them up to make them virtually girls shorts, or just save the hassle and go out and buy a dress/skirt/pair of shorts - not sure yet; but one thing's for certain - I can't take being a boy on the outside much longer.
I've started hurting myself because I know there's something wrong with me; I've been born the wrong way - but there's no use in doing that. Sadly, I can tell you it isn't going to stop until I'm a girl, inside and outside.
Even the weather is against me.
Until next time. <3
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